I find discipline to be the most poweful tool of progressing my development, especially with habits that require consistency.

The idea of discipline was repugnant, literally. Getting myself to act upon a certain, rigid pattern (as I understood the concept) was out of the question. I considered it a verbal assault at my sense of liberty, an act of terror to intimidate my free will.

And finally I have learned, these are just excuses, a deceitful reasoning of weak and fearful ego.

And now I derrive strength from not acting upon my free will, from refraining to follow emotional impulses of greed, desire and pleasure, and maintain conscious presence in every act.

Discipline is an anchor in the ocean of changes ...

I am now listening to a song by Sinead O'Connor "Troy" and every time I hear it I indulge in an immidiate recollection of a certain circumstance, when I was a 15 year-old kid.

Dimly lit room, the radio screaming out this song, a group of people, two-storey bed (is there such a thing?) and among them WE (I felt I was just floating 3 feet above her occupying the upper bed) barely holding our hands - with the blind certainty, mutual conviction there will be no continuation, no future for US together, and nothing really mattered but this exact moment. our fingers gently dancing on our palms, squeezing, tapping, rubbing, pinning, pinching, pushing all done to the rythm, to Sineads  thrilling vocals singing:

Do you want me?
Should I leave?
I know you're always telling me
That you love me
Just sometimes I wonder
If I should believe
Oh, I love you

God I love You,
I'll kill a dragon for you ... and die
But I will rise, and I will return
The Phoenix from the flame!

I have learned I will rise
And You'll see me return
Being what I am
There is no other Troy
For me to burn

it was a bliss of bodily yet how platonic form of natural, pure, limitless, unconditioned love, flowing from an unimaginable source and centering, focusing right on the surface between our hands, beyond all our comprehension. we both were just palms plaited together, pulsating, vibrating with rising passion, sharing all our energy, all our warmth, with grace and incessant gratefulness. And it just went radiating on every cell, electrifying every particle of my dwelling, throwing me into an abyss of delightful embrace of purest emotions ...

I left the room vibrant, enthused, revitalized and blessed ... blessed with the taste of real unconditional love for the world and the LIFE itself ...

... and just seconds after I wrote those words, fifteen years ago, I have finally understood, appreciated and embraced the bliss of LOVE. just like that.

15 years.


p.s.
I am vibrant, enthused, revitalized and blessed

LOVE to all

A true leadership is to take the outcome of inspiration, motivation, encouragement, put it all together and push in the right direction of common good ;)

blessings

writing comments is a spiritual practice :)

"whenever I find myself sailing on the cloud of contentment, immersed in self-appreciation and love for the world, I suddenly loose ground and get thrown into the energy-drained pit of self-doubt and melancholy (usually by little things, unpaid bill, ticket, unclosed deal, traffic etc.)

And then I have to drag myself out, arduously rebulding confidence and my sense of self-worth, desperatly searching for a balm to soothe my soul … (zaadz does recently suffice :))

I have noticed however that the more conscious of the present moment I am, the more focused on the processes inside me I get, the easier it is to get myslef back up on my feet, shake off the dust and walk with smile".

self-observation, in detachment, RULES!!

we are all ONE

'fightin' the habits' at full swing ;)

it was a drudgery to get myself up at five. but it is also a great lesson of how deceitful your mind can be and how your body responds to ego trickery.

for a while my struggles ended in bed with an alarm clock fiercefully silenced. later on after I had managed to establish a healthy relationship with it, my body and mind (now suprisingly aligned as never before) refused to cooperate and as a predator hunting for prey 'they' kept looking for any chance to fall asleep in evey condition imaginable even during push-ups :D (yes, I decided to workout regularly as well). That is homeostasis hard at work (by the way it is a great concept as described in the LIFE WE ARE GIVEN by Leonard and Murphy)

my mind clinged on to any excuse be it reasonable (it is dark, it is cold), abstract (it will kill me) or of existentional nature (why bother, what for).
With time I have learned not to pay attention to it, simple observation suffices to keep me awake. It also leads to an increased awareness of the present moment and to appreciate it.

p.s.
And I have this uplifting sense of triumph, every single morning, knowing that another habit bites to dust (eeeeha!)

peace, love, integrity

children definitely. they laugh wholeheartedly, love uncoditionally, play vividly, learn passionately and live presentfully, exploring the world with genuine marvel ...

I have the honour to be a father of 15 month-old boy who is one of my greatest teachers ... and the greatest joy in my life ...

peace, love, integrity

I believe I can catalyze a positive change in me by breaking literally every single inclination I have developed. I intiuit that this will lead me directly to the heart of my true self now heavily buried under the scrapeheap of habits, ossified programms of mindless control (or the lack of it)

and it applies to any aspect of daily life:

- smoking cigarettes, the way I do it and why (it reeks, gives you cancer but you smoke it any way)
- drinking liquor, same as cigs (except not smoke it)
- taking keys, wallets, IDs, DLs and anything I particularly need (or rather not taking)
- locking doors (i am never sure i did it - quite frustrating)
- tying shoe laces (same as with the doors -although more painful implications)
- driving car (i do tend to 'zone' and drive on autopilot, not remembering the way itself - it is difficult to come back at times; and I do tend to get the symptoms of road rage -' who gave you a DL you bad person' being the lightest manifestation of my dissatisfaction of the traffic around)
- getting up (early - a drudgery!)
- sitting (be still, not necessarily meditating)
- constant thinking, analysing, daydreaming (god it is so hard sometimes to hear anyone speak through the hum of millions of thoughts)
- eating (i love to eat, or rather have distinctly developed sense of taste, and the only way to satisfy it is to eat way too much than I need just to prolong the process of the intake of goods - how am I 6'2 and 187 remains a mystery to me)
- snacking (do chips always come with a remote control?)
- working (focus on what you do and love it - after checking out mailbox, nba scores, news of the world and beyond, 'it's three already?' my,my how the time flies etc.)
- working out (always have more important things to do and its best to start on mondays, the next is just six days away) ... etc etc etc endlessly

I'd rather not get into my psyche (fears, preferences, needs, desires and so on) cause it can get even more traumatic ...

it is a great path, takes a lot of discipline but I am starting to enjoy it (no I am not masochistic ;P) I just love those tiny victories over my ego (yeah .. eat this! you ego)

blessings

we are searching for the ways and tricks to make us happy, we are making plans, setting up goals, re-arranging our direct surroundings (be it our relationships, work, housing, etc.)  believing that it all will grant us happiness (me so included) ...

would not it be just easier to choose to be happy ... unconditionally?

it is our choice to be angry, mad, grumpy, depressed, content, dissatisfied, sad, morose, joyful, etc. although we always tend to blame conditions or shift the blame to others ... acting as machines programmed to respond unconsciously ...

we can take the responsibility for our actions and reactions by being aware of our responses to emotions aroused by certain conditions. We can learn to notice and observe them without acting upon them (and believe me you always have at least two choices - act or not)

practicing appreciation and gratitude can teach us to act with love ... and then there is nothing to make us unhappy ...

peace, love, integrity

it is a teaser, innit? :D
I must say ZAADZ.

I know I keep repeating myself, but it is a fuel for thought, a powerful motivator, a torch that lights me up whenever I get down, whenever I stumble, whenever I am close to giving up.

meeting ALL of YOU is just inexplicably rewarding, astonishingly invigoriating, plainly refreshing. It is like charging bateries with unconditioned love and happiness.

simply beautiful ...

blessings

good education is to inspire to daring, objective exploration and than facilitate the exploration with provision of multitude of perspectives (approaches) and the tools for integral cognition and application of acquired knowledge.

teach to think for oneself, to explore for oneself, to experience oneself

peace

9 years. 100 months of ups and downs, highs and lows, love and hate, ecstasy and numbness - a total freaking rollercoaster that ended up in unpleasant divorce ...

We had our moments of magic, but the older we got, the more we parted ... none of us realizing the gap widening ... and we continued the madness of constant truce negotiations (exchange of demands, conditions and concessions) ignorantly and naively attached to the projection of ideal partners we were once to be ... until it all collapsed with an outburst of frustration demolishing the sand castle of apparent security and stability.

But I have learned the most important lessons of my life:

• to love and respect myself (how can you love anyone when unable to love yourself)
  
• to accept my loneliness (detachment) - it is hard to be in a relationship, unless you learn how to live alone ...
• to regain confidence (fear not of what you are)
  
• to find the courage and grit to stand for my vision (say no assertively)
  
• and mostly, to love others ... unconditionally, unlimitedly, unendingly ... expecting nothing in return (detachment) - love being the ultimate goal
  

... and I got married again  ... it has been two years already and I am still breathless when thinking of HER ;) and our SON of course!

peace, love, integrity
Janusz

I have not written a single chapter, although I have learnt to play consciously in the theatre of life and life does respond, does change with me ...

if I was given a chance to write my life story, I would have opted out ... as I believe it would have limited the direct experience of life as it is, would have narrowed my perception and reception ..

life is all about the unexpected ... for only facing the unknown gives you that unique chance of discovering your true self, a possibility of stepping out of and beyond learned patterns, of developing and acting upon intuition ...

progress is a response to unknown and unexpected

peace